A field guide for floor-based renovation, salt worship, and the sacred act of surviving while horizontal.
1. Hydrate Like a Champion (or a Cactus with a Gatorade Problem)
You’re not just thirsty—you’re a meat suit in low-power mode. LMNT, Liquid I.V., or salty-sweet potions help keep your blood in the right zip code.
2. Compression Socks: Fishnets of the Chronically Ill
They may not scream sexy, but they whisper circulation. Bonus: great for cosplaying a cyberpunk librarian with suspiciously strong calves.
3. The Floor Is Sacred, Not Defeat
The floor isn’t giving up. It’s returning to your natural horizontal habitat. Keep a crash kit nearby: water, snacks, phone, and one remaining shred of dignity (optional, obviously).
4. Renovate in Intervals, Not Ego Spurts
You are not a power tool. You’re a high-maintenance barometer with goals. Set timers. Pace like your nervous system depends on it. (It does.) Breaks aren’t quitting—they’re calibration.
5. Sweat Is Just Your Body Crying Proudly
Embrace it. You’re working harder than most marathoners just standing up. That’s elite-tier cardio, baby.
6. Salt Isn’t Seasoning—It’s Medical Equipment
Shake it, slurp it, sneak it into lemon water. Shoot pickle juice like your a frat boy without the emotional constipation.
7. Layer Your Clothes and Your Expectations
Start in underwear, graduate to knee pads, maybe throw on a dramatic robe when you want to feel like a sickly wizard renovating her tower.
8. Normalize Floor Snacks
No blood in your brain + stubborn joy? Eat something before you astral project. A cheese stick can save lives.
9. Explain Nothing to Strangers
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You’re not “lazy”—you’re a solar-powered cyborg in low-light mode. Keep scrolling, Susan.
10. You’re Still a Glorious Bitch—Just in Rest Mode
Chronic illness doesn’t cancel your power—it reprograms it. Stillness is strategy. Softness is survival. Your house is lucky to be loved by someone like you.